Couch Potato Bollywood Flashback

Fat Southie actress in dubbed item song - looks like a golden caterpillar. 

Too much shiny gold stuff on her ball gown, separated only by fat folds revealed in between with cutaways; skin always works for Bollywood.  

It seems impossible to demarcate the line of actual separation between breasts and stomach.

Everything's big, even the hair- 80s perm – the colour combinations reek of that lost decade.

Writhing moves on maroon carpet enchant the watching man as he sips Vat 69.

This quasi-villain with mandatory moustache tries to seduce Ms Caterpillar with Rajnikant-style dance moves.

In fact he seems to be an all-out Rajnikant imitator – no wait, he is the Hero.

Thoda aur intezar kijiye, she croons between bum and boob shakes.

Song ends and he proposes to her, she seems troubled by the thought.

Lightning interrupts the scene and a new villain in the form of Om Shivpuri enters the scene.  

Suddenly many men are beating each other up while Ms Caterpillar acts cool and sits reading a film magazine on the sofa nonchalantly.  

Jackie Shroff appears in a totally unconnected flashback somewhere in between the whole fracas.

Villain tries to strangle her and hero shoots him. No one asks why the gun wasn't used before.

Jackie appears again - suddenly the fat caterpillar is driving a car and meets him on road.

Yeh pyaar ka mausam hai, tujhe kitna pyar kare?

Song bursts out new flashbacks once more.

She drives away abruptly – and is next seen praying to the Mother Goddess at a temple.

Meaningless monologues about her troubled and meaningless life ensue.

A villainous looking Police inspector watches her from outside the temple, unbeknownst to the Golden Caterpillar who has not changed her ballroom gown from the original song as yet.

Suddenly, even Hema Malini has arrived and speaks her Southie accented Hindi, apparently advising Ms Caterpillar on life matters. 

The Bad Inspector suddenly appears once more and begins to blackmail the girl- her origins are revealed – are they to be believed?

Thankfully a commercial break arrives to save the audience from mental breakdown.

Jaani Dushman suddenly seems like a really great movie!

Why I write

Once upon a time, there was life on earth, and this event was followed, among other things, by the advent of the human species and its subsequent impact on the world.
I was recently born into the aforementioned species and blessed with the ability to think freely. Luckily enough, the external conditions of my life have always been favourable to free speech. With my love for learning and conversation, I have always derived the most satisfaction from intelligent thought and exchange of ideas. Sometimes these ideas are light hearted, at others they are more productive and stimulate further creativity, and at yet other times, they are absolutely radical and possibly frivolous in the face of established patterns.
With so much valuable energy being invested into this intangible enterprise of the mind, I believe I owe it to myself and humanity to record these ideas for posterity. While I’m not an expert on biological evolution, I do support intellectual evolution very strongly and do not want to be a weak link in this important chain. Hence, I write.

                                                                                   *********