Fat Southie actress in dubbed item song - looks like a golden
caterpillar.
It seems impossible to demarcate the line of actual
separation between breasts and stomach.
Everything's big,
even the hair- 80s perm – the colour combinations reek of that lost decade.
Writhing moves on maroon carpet enchant the watching man as
he sips Vat 69.
This quasi-villain with mandatory moustache tries to seduce Ms
Caterpillar with Rajnikant-style dance moves.
In fact he seems to be an all-out Rajnikant imitator – no wait,
he is the Hero.
Thoda aur intezar
kijiye, she croons between bum and boob shakes.
Song ends and he proposes to her, she seems troubled by the
thought.
Lightning interrupts the scene and a new villain in the form
of Om Shivpuri enters the scene.
Suddenly many men are beating each other up while Ms Caterpillar
acts cool and sits reading a film magazine on the sofa nonchalantly.
Jackie Shroff appears in a totally unconnected flashback
somewhere in between the whole fracas.
Villain tries to strangle her and hero shoots him. No one
asks why the gun wasn't used before.
Jackie appears again
- suddenly the fat caterpillar is driving a car and meets him on road.
Yeh pyaar ka mausam
hai, tujhe kitna pyar kare?
Song bursts out new flashbacks once more.
She drives away abruptly – and is next seen praying to the
Mother Goddess at a temple.
Meaningless
monologues about her troubled and meaningless life ensue.
A villainous looking Police inspector watches her from
outside the temple, unbeknownst to the Golden Caterpillar who has not changed
her ballroom gown from the original song as yet.
Suddenly, even Hema Malini has arrived and speaks her Southie
accented Hindi, apparently advising Ms Caterpillar on life matters.
The Bad
Inspector suddenly appears once more and begins to blackmail the girl- her origins are revealed –
are they to be believed?
Thankfully a commercial
break arrives to save the audience from mental breakdown.
Jaani Dushman suddenly seems like a really great movie!
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